Fallen yogi

      The Fallen Yogi, ...with dementia

As a yoga instructor, I didn't want to share my personal history of being away from yoga,  Asana (poses) meditation and the other 6 limbs of yoga.  I am happy to say I got over that; Happy because I realize there is a level of wisdom that comes from having fallen and climbing back up, which is worth sharing and may help others.
     I know how it feels to do a forward fold (touch your toes) and discover I could barely reach my knees.  I know how a busy mind and out of shape body can't hold the simplest balancing pose (even modified). I was not a yogi for more than two decades of my life. Though I could say "I was busy, working, being a single mom, bread-winner, home-owner" I stopped making excuses.  I faced the reality that I had sold-out, and gotten so out of touch with the inner self, and self-love that it literally made me very sick. The primary symptom being *dementia. Leaving me with little good to offer those around me.  I completely understand the loss of vitality and the unhappiness that comes from a stressful life.
     I lived for a couple years with the fear that I was losing my cognitive functioning. I thought I had Alzheimer's disease or a brain tumor, but mostly my mind was a constant stream of useless worries, dissections of my past and fearful projections into a bleak future. This mental clutter and my clinging to "work" as the answer to everything, kept me running in the rat-race while the quality of my life disintegrated. I was just surviving, existing, going through the motions. Though I was "active" it was in a limited way and with so much tension and misalignment that I was wearing myself down rather than healing myself. Movement is a great healer, but not just any movement, and the occasional yoga classes didn't prevent my falling.
COMING HOME TO YOGA,  At  the age of 48, I started with 1-2 classes a week for a month. This was the only place were I experienced relief, felt at home, or had any sense of well-being and peace. Because I had been a yogi long ago, I knew to return to doing daily yoga, asana and meditation. The changes began to happen quickly, which was motivating so, I kept at it, it became my medicine to thrive in a life worth living.
         The first change was my mind stopped racing long enough (initially less than a minute) for me to remember what calm and peace where.  I began just closing my eyes and taking a deeper breath and recalling that minute which brought another brief moment of calm. With-in days, my physical body was resting better at night and I could see gains in strength and alignment in the first week which brought about increased energy. In that first month I noticed subtle increases in flexibility (I was never naturally flexible). and after a few months increased flexibility of mind begin to re-emerge; I was more open to new possibilities and ways of relating to others.  Most importantly my heart was more open, I wasn't numb, and I knew I was part of something greater, connected, a part of the One.  Perhaps, because of years of yoga dance and other various movement practices stored in my memory (mind and body-memory), I noticed the subtle changes more than many people would. Or it may have been the desperation after having fallen so far. 
How do you to start daily practice? That is very individual.  I began doing 6-10 sun salutations and meditating for 10 minutes, DAILY, in the morning. This created profound changes with-in a few days. This practice set a quieter tone/mind/vibration which I could access throughout the day. I was very aware that I had so much farther to go, so I increased, after just a few days to one hour yoga Asana and 30 minutes meditation. Then within another couple weeks to 45-60 minutes of meditation. It became my daily medicine, and my health insurance.  Now after more than 3 years (over 1095 consecutive days) I can't even begin to express in 100 blog posts all the benefits, joy, peace and clarity that I have gained. Remember I "had a long way to go", now I can find peace in starting one deep breath, most of time, no matter what is going on around me.
 ~ Namaste ~ Christina   
update March 19, 2020 - I'm well, no dementia, I'm 60 now and still doing yoga, moer advanced than I thought possible when writing this!!!